breakup – Ballads Of The 20-Somethings

I think it’s time, my beautiful ballads, that we have the conversation.

Astrology — you either hate it or love it. In my opinion, it’s almost like discussing politics. It’s a sore subject. Almost. You have people who are deep into it, could care less, or are somewhere in the happy medium.

Regardless of whether we want to talk about astrology or not, it’s real, and it’s happening. So let’s get into it.

Before I start, I want to preface this: No, I do not rule out any guy romantically solely because of their sign or anything of the sort. However, I do move with caution. And let me explain which signs.

First up on the chopping board:

1. Pisces Men

I genuinely believe that when women gave birth between the dates of February 19th and March 20th, Satan was in the delivery room screaming, “Twin!”

My first time romantically dealing with a Pisces man was in high school — a two-year relationship full of lies, deception, and manipulation. That man traumatized me so badly that, to this day, if I’m talking to a man and he mentions he’s a Pisces, I sincerely get war flashbacks.

Don’t get me wrong, I still try to give them a chance, but the horrors!

Talking to other women or just typing “surviving a Pisces man” on social media feels like we need to start a support group after dealing with one.

One out of every five women you meet will have a Pisces horror story. Ask at least five women in your life right now if they’ve ever dealt with a Pisces man, and watch them shudder in tragedy.

And it sucks because as a Virgo, Pisces is our sister sign. And I love Pisces women. They’re emotional, dreamy, spicy, and headstrong.

I don’t know where the disconnect happened between Pisces men and Pisces women.

My advice on dating a Pisces man?

Convince them to get a lobotomy — girl, I don’t know. Just run and seek therapy

2. Gemini Men

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

You goddamn Geminis.

I’ve never officially dated a Gemini (survivor), but I’ve had my fair share of getting to know them to empathize with my ballads who have.

I only ever had a crush on a Gemini man, and I was already going through emotional warfare.

We started off as friends — always trying to make each other laugh, wanting to be near each other all the time — and then one day, I woke up like,

“I think I wanna kiss my friend??”

So fun.

Nonetheless, we gave it a “shot”… for a week.

Next thing you know, his texts started coming in later, and we were talking less and less. We talked, agreed to stop being friends, and then — that following week — he posted his ex for WCW.

(Yes, this was in high school, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less.)

Geminis are tricky — they’re sly. Their personalities can hide how awful they actually are to date.

They’re also stereotypically two-faced. And honestly? I get it.

In the stages before actually dating them, they’re fun to be around, exciting, and no days are alike. But once you finally get them on lockdown, their mask starts to slip.

I think they like the chase.

Once they get you, they no longer feel the need to court you or try as hard.

And for that, they deserve prison time — and the #2 spot on my list.

3. Cancer Men

This one hurt to put on the list because my close friend is a Cancer man.

With that being said, I can understand why women lock their doors and close their curtains when they hear a Cancer man is on the prowl.

Cancers are the “mothers” of the zodiac. The feminine.

The thing is, when the universe was making the signs, they should’ve reserved that role for women only.

I think Cancers as a whole are very intuitive, emotionally attuned, and caring. They have so many great qualities.

Their downfall?

They use their powers to manipulate and hurt girls.

(Not you, friend.)

Their betrayal hurts so much because you least expect it.

You let your guard down, open up to them, have intimate moments — do the whole shindig. They’re water signs, so being vulnerable is almost innate to them.

The problem? They’re water signs.

They’re emotional.

They will not shy away from telling or showing you how they feel.

In hindsight, that sounds like a good thing, right? Right???

I saw a girl on TikTok say,

“Dating a Cancer man is almost like dating a woman.”

And on that note, I think we can end it there.

To my ballads who are dating a Cancer man:

I hope you and your girlfriend are happy and well.

Honorable Mention #1: Virgo Men

I’ve heard terrible things about dating Virgo men.

They can be cold, distant, and of course, toxic.

The reason they are not on my list?

They make me laugh.

And I have to be biased — I’m a Virgo woman.

I’ve only had two short flings with Virgo men.

The first one? I met almost four years ago, and we’re still on good terms. At least once every two months, we talk about how we’re going to get married.

The other one stole my winter coat for about a month… but was an amazing kisser.

So y’know. Duality

4. Aries Men

THIS one hurt to put on the list because I absolutely love Aries. I think they’re so sweet.

The first person I ever got with after my first relationship was an Aries man.

He was also my first-ever situationship.

And the reason I had a trauma bond with Olivia Rodrigo’s album, SOUR.

But guys — he was SO sweet. Like, before everything turned shitty.

(I have problems.)

I think Aries men are way better as friends than romantic partners.

They try so hard not to be the bad guy that, eventually… they end up being the bad guy.

Which is so unfortunate.

As a friend, they’re funny, sweet, maybe even a little exciting.

But the moment you take the relationship to the next step — almost like Gemini men — a switch in their brain flips.

Everything you once liked about them? You now hate.

They can be hot and cold. One minute they’re all about you… and the next?

They’ve found someone else to obsess over.

Dating them feels like having to perform for their love and adoration 24/7 — and it gets exhausting.

And when you finally stop performing?

They show you why they’re a fire sign.

They will argue. They’ll counteract anything you say and invalidate your feelings in the process.

Dating them is like having a headache… but not taking any aspirin because you love them.

Sigh. Sayonara, sisters. Good luck.

Honorable Mention #2: Aquarius Men

One word: LIARS

5. Leo Men

I am a Leo man magnet. I only attract Leos.

Now, you’re probably thinking, “Aliah, why aren’t they higher on your list?”

Well, my beautiful reader — it’s because a Leo man can still bamboozle me.

I know. I’M SICK.

But they are so attractive, so charming, so exciting… and again, attractive.

Maybe I like them so much because I’m a Leo rising.

So, when I come in contact with a Leo man, it feels familiar.

My first experience with a Leo man was in 2022. Whew. I remember that shit like it was yesterday.

He was bad, funny, well-dressed, and charmed my pants off.

Ever since then, all I’ve been attracting are Leo men.

The problem?

They all have commitment issues.

They are so sexy they feel the need to share it with everyone.

If you can lock down a Leo — kudos, and please share with the class.

They don’t want to be tied down.

Dating a Leo man means you have to accept that you’re essentially dating a slut.

A really fine and funny slut.

That Leo man I dated back in 2022?

I just recently had to put him on the chopping block.

Had to let my slut go and unfriend him on every social media platform, because every time he posted himself, my ovaries started barking.

Leo men use their beauty and charm to distract you from:

1. Getting to actually know them, and

2. Keeping you under their spell.

Do I still love my Leo men? Unfortunately.

Do I have any advice on how to handle one? Not really.

Best I can say is to ignore them and admire them from afar.

——————-

In all honesty, dating a man — regardless of his zodiac sign — is a risk.

And right now? We’re in a recession.

So you just gotta pick your risk and hope the odds are forever in your favor.

It’s the zodiac Hunger Games

He Wasn’t Ready For A Relationship-Just Ready to Waste My Time

I was talking to this guy for THREE MONTHS — consistently. Y’all, when I say we were locked INN, the key was thrown away. It was giving Bonnie and Clyde.

We met right before the semester ended, and just my luck — I had to go home for the summer. We saw each other twice and promised we’d keep in touch until I came back that fall. I was devastated, cursing the universe, because of course they introduced me to a guy right when I had to leave.

He was cute, tall, funny, had great music taste, and was a complete gentleman — all the ingredients to make a girl fall to her knees (literally and figuratively).

We said we’d “keep in touch” when I went home, but honestly, I didn’t think he was serious.

Until we did.

Texting every other day turned into texting every day, which turned into texting every minute. Add in the spontaneous late-night phone calls, and yeah… it was giving boyfriend.

Y’all, this was quite literally my man.

I remember he went out of town with his homeboys, and he was still texting and calling me — even collecting seashells to bring back when we reconnected. I was down bad for this man.

Fast forward to the fall — I’m back. I was excited, nervous, feeling like I was in high school again.

The first day I got back, we saw each other, and everything fell right back into place. We bounced off each other so naturally; our energies just synced — if you’re picking up what I’m putting down.

But… something felt a little off.

Not about him necessarily, but about the relationship. I didn’t feel any urgency from him to make me his girlfriend. At this point, we’d been talking for three months. Technically, we weren’t long-distance anymore, but still — no move to make things official.

I ignored my woman’s intuition (highly don’t recommend) and went against my better judgment. For about two weeks, I tried to act like I didn’t already know:

This nigga not gone make me his girlfriend.

But I am my mother’s child, so I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I remember it clearly.

We had just come from his basketball game and went back to his house to… tussle. And afterwards, I asked the question:

“What are we?”

Heart beating out of my chest but holding my ground, I waited, anticipating his next word.

“Uhhh, well… you know, we friends.”

Loading the gun.

I was sitting cross-legged on his bed, pondering the right response to his answer.

“Just friends?” I asked.

“I mean, not just friends, but you’re cool and we really get along. But I’m not ready for a relationship.”

Pull the trigger.

The inevitable had finally arrived.

To say the least, the ride back to my apartment — so he could drop me off — was silent.

I wish I could say I immediately cut him off after that, but y’all, I’m just a girl and nothing but a girl.

I tried to have a casual relationship with him, but my heart couldn’t withstand it. I lasted about a month before finally telling him I couldn’t keep doing it. Of course, he understood, apologized, and we parted ways… until I had an itch only he could scratch.

But still, I can never forget the complete switch-up.

And the sad thing? It’s so common among women.

Talking to a guy, seeing him consistently, maybe even having sex with him — and then a few months in, he hits you with the story about how he got heartbroken at 16 and just can’t commit again.

It makes me want to go outside, pick a tree up, and throw it.

Obviously, we’re left with a broken heart — but the time wasted?? Inexcusable.

And the healing process is excruciating, because you’re not just mourning the relationship.

You’re mourning the potential of the relationship.

All that could’ve been.

The future you thought you were building

I remember I was 18, seeing a co-worker/friend who had already told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship.

I told him we should just stay friends, because deep down I knew — I was setting myself up for failure.

Two goddamn weeks later, he ups and gets himself a girlfriend.

Guys, stay with me when I say this…

Prison.

I was salty, to say the fucking least.

Maybe some men get a kick out of being cruel — I don’t know. Maybe they think being honest would get them stoned or nailed to a cross.

But hey, what do I know, right?

Although I’m not currently dating now, when I was, it definitely got easier to spot the ones who just wanted to waste my time… and the ones who were…

No yeah, still there to waste my time.

Someone could argue that I’m just looking in the wrong places.

And I could argue that we revisit that prison conversation.

But seriously, if you’re a lover girl like me, when you like someone — you like someone.

It consumes you.

When I like someone, it feels like I’m going through a psychosis.

It’s why I can never fully hate Carrie for how she handled her relationship with Mr. Big.

When you fall for someone, you don’t just fall.

You tumble.

You crash.

You plummet.

And it sucks even more when you’re at that stage with someone, and you’re not even official yet.

You get that false sense of hope, that false union with this person.

So when they finally utter those God-forsaken words, it feels like they grabbed a gun and shot you in the heart. (Graphic, I know.)

What’s even more devastating?

After they break your heart — or shoot you, at this point it’s the same thing — they try to “tend” to your needs… with the gun still in their hands.

And because we’re hurt, and wounded, we accept the aftercare.

We might even agree to some negotiations, because we’re not ready to let go of the relationship — or the person — completely.

Especially when they still want access to you.

It’s ludicrous.

And if you were a masochist like me, you obliged — because you didn’t know any better.

I like dating and having different experiences, because unfortunately, that piece of shit of a man we met in our early 20s?

Yeah, he might pop up again in our late 20s.

And again in our early 30s.

We’re gonna date until we find the one.

And the absolute sad truth is: we have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet our prince.

Corny as hell — but true.

The type of man who leads you on, spins you around, and then says, “I’m just not ready for a relationship,” will lead you straight to hell if you let them.

You have to regain control as soon as possible.

Delulu Land is only fun when your feelings aren’t involved.

So, if you are currently talking to a man, and you like him ardently, and he’s explained to you that he isn’t quite ready for a relationship — but still wants the same access to you?

RUN.

I don’t care if he’s sweet.

I don’t care if he’s fine.

I don’t care if he’s the funniest man alive.

Set your boundaries.

Be firm with it.

And if he has a problem with it — that’s all you need to know.

IF you have been in this experience and escaped by the chinny-chin-chin of your hairs, comment and share with the class your experience:

What were the red flags?

How deep did you get into the relationship before he dropped the bomb?

And how’d you escape?

Be safe, ladies — there’s always a man waiting…

to waste your time.

Love, Aliah

Follow the new instagram account for the blog @ balladsofthe20’s

and the new tiktok account @ balladsofthe20somethings

to always be the first one to know about what the new blog post is going to about every sunday!